Never Ending Story...

Why Seldom Blog?...

2006-05-29T06:30:00.000-07:00

It should be "Why Blog" in the first place...

I have learnt something from geography last semester - "gender as a performance" denoting that people are performing gender (doing what man and woman should do) daily. What so great about this concept!!!!???? People with common sense know that life itself is a performance... Blogging is one of the ultimate performance... The blogger often has a targeted audience and objective of blogging, hoping someone to read his/her blog so as to deliver certain messages across via such performances... Just like how many musical performances on stage can capture and control the audiences' emotions... To capture and control... Yes... Those are the words to describe blogs...

The variety of objectives is kaleidoscopic in nature... Reading my past blogs, I realise that there were times I wanted to be sympathized, to be praised, to be impressed, to be envied, to share my joy, to share my sadness etc... Humans need social circle... We need alliances - people who acknowledge our feelings and agree to our way of thinking in various aspects... That is why bloggers hope to influence others through their blogging skills... I've read many... There are really people with good skills...

Now... I prefer not to blog... Even when I really wanted to find people to listen to my complaints,listen to my feelings... basically listening to my heart... I prefer to keep certain things to myself...

Ironically, this blog might even have been written with subconscious objective... hoping to influence the readers... Or I might not be posting blogs for sometimes... That is because if there are private matters which I prefer to share with very close people rather than letting the masses know...

My Big Walk (From AMK to Hougang)

2006-05-13T10:58:00.000-07:00

Today, I have walked from Ang Mo Kio MRT station to my house in hougang from 10:15pm to 11:45pm. Haha... Its a good exercise wor... Along the way, nothing much happened except for a foreign worker asked me to give him $2 but I denied having any money with me... I was thinking about a lot of things during my personal "Big Walk"... However, I have thought through nothing... =X

What Is This Tagging Thingy...?

2006-01-25T08:18:00.000-08:00

Rules: Bold the following that are true about you, italicize things you wish were true, add one true thing about you, and then tag five more people.

I miss somebody right now.
I don't watch much TV these days.
I love olives.
I own lots of books.
I wear glasses or contact lenses.
I love to play video games.
I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
I curse sometimes.
I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
I'm TOTALLY smart.
I've broken someone's bones.
I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.
I hate the rain.
I'm paranoid at times.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
I need money right now.
I love sushi.
I talk really, really fast.
I have fresh breath in the morning.
I have long hair.
I have lost money in Las Vegas.
I have at least one sibling.
I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
I like the way that I look.
I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months.
I am usually pessimistic.
I have a lot of mood swings.
I think prostitution should be legalized.
I think Britney Spears is pretty.
I have a hidden talent.
I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
I have a lot of friends.
I am currently single.
I have pecked someone of the same sex.
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
I love to shop.
Enjoy window shopping.
I would rather shop than eat.
I would classify myself as ghetto.
I'm bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders.
I'm obsessed with my Xanga or Livejournal WordPress blog.
I don't hate anyone.
I'm a pretty good dancer.
I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
I have a cell phone.
I believe in (a) God.
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
I've rejected someone before.
I currently like someone.
I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
I wan to have children in the future.
I have changed a diaper before.
I've called the cops on a friend before.
I'm not allergic to anything.
I have a lot to learn.
I have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger.
I am shy around the opposite sex.
I'm online 24/7, even as an away message.
I have at least 5 away messages saved.
I have tried alcohol before.
I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past.
I own the "South Park" movie.
I have avoided assignments at work/school to be on Xanga or Livejournal.
When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbour or chum.
I enjoy some country music.
I would die for my best friends.
I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
I watch soap operas whenever I can.
I'm obsessive, and often a perfectionist.
I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
I have dated a close friend's ex.
I like surveys/memes.
I am happy at this moment.
Democrat.
Conservative Republican.
I am punk rockish.
I am preppy.
I go for older guys/girls, not younger.
I study for tests most of the time.
I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.
I can work on a car.
I love my job.
I am comfortable with who I am right now.
I have more than just my ears pierced.
I walk barefoot wherever I can.
I have jumped off a bridge.
I love sea turtles.
I spend ridiculous amounts of money on makeup.
I believe in prophetic dreams.
Plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
I'm proficient on a musical instrument.
I worked at McDonald's restaurant.
I hate office jobs.
I love sci-fi movies.
I think water rules.
I went to college out of state.
I am adopted.
I like sausage.
I love the Red Sox.
I have thrown up from crying too much.
I have been intentionally hurt by people that I loved.
I love kisses.
I fall for the worst people.
I adore bright colors.
I love Dear Abby.
I can't live without black eyeliner.
I think school is awesome.
I think pigtails serve a purpose.
I don't know why the hell I just did this stupid thing. (it is way too long.. -.-")
I don't like multi-textured ice cream.
I think John Cusack is adorable.
I watch Food Network way too much.
I love coaching youth sports.
I can pick up things with my toes.
I can't whistle.
I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snakes slither.
I have ridden/owned a horse.
I still have every journal I've ever written in.
I can't stick to a diet.
I talk in my sleep.
I've often thought that I was born in the wrong century.
I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.
Climbing trees is a brilliant past-time.
I have jazz in my blood.
I would not be friends if they weren't family.
I wear a toe ring.
I have a tattoo.
I can't stand at LEAST one person that I work with.
I am a caffeine junkie.
I know who Santos L. Halper is.
I read trashy romance novels and I am ashamed.
I love wrestling.
I am completely tree-huggy spiritual, and I'm not ashamed at all.
If I knew I would get away with it, I would commit at least one murder.
I cosplay or know what cosplaying is.
I have been to over 15 conventions.
I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical, the better.
I enjoy a nice glass of wine with dinner.
I'm an artist.
I have a goal to collect every Johnny Depp movie ever made.
I have an unhealthy Taco Bell obsession.
I have had a crush on a cartoon character when I was a kid.
I have spent more on anime and manga than many spend on computers or other high end products.
I only clean my room when neccesary.
Weight is my enemy!

I dun think i will want to tag 5 more ppl... Its quite a tough job going through all the list of things... thks lor Huiling

Things I Did On Christmas Day 25th December 2005...

2005-12-25T06:57:00.000-08:00

Just past midnight, I tried to fry an egg. Instead, I’ve burned the egg and smoked the house. The smoke woke my mum from her sleep. My first attempt to cook failed. =(

Woke up late. Took a taxi to Toa Payoh interchange to meet my girlfriend and two other couples. SMS Elaine and hope that she will enjoy her day. Went KTV in Toa Payoh Safra and sang for 5 full hours.

Took a cab to Sommerville Walk in Serangoon to attend my grandma’s birthday party. Got bitten by my aunt’s 7th month golden retriever – Kobe on my right hand. Now, its swollen. Watched the ending of "Love Actually" at my aunt's house shown over cable TV. The little girl really sings well in that show.

Girlfriend called and said she wanted to meet me after the party ended and so dad fetched me to Ang Mo Kio. Along the way, my brother asked me what I wanted to be after I graduated. I replied that I might be a teacher but that would be one year after I have graduated. After reaching AMK, my girlfriend and I walked to Jubilee and went to drink bubble tea. Initially, wanted to catch a movie but I have already watched “Narnia”.

Took a bus home and “tabao” a packet of black fried carrot cake for my brother.

Reached home and started typing out this list.

Christmas is nothing without warmth...

The Secret of "Secret Garden"...

2005-09-11T01:14:00.000-07:00

The new age band - "Secret Garden" is recommended by a friend in my JC life. She was someone who isolated herself from all guys in AJ. However, since she lives a few blocks away from my house, there will be times when we took the same bus home. In addition, she was from AJCO. Therefore, I had a lot of chances to talk to her. She was a really shy girl.

She seldom smile. She always felt inferior about herself. I managed to make her laugh once on a bus trip home. Even when laughing, she will cover her mouth as though she didn't like to be seen happy. "Secret Garden" has many many music with sad tunes. Maybe like what Elaine has mentioned, when girls are sad, they like to make themselves more sad (by listening to sad songs). She was really a sad girl.

Whenever I went to popular cd rama to buy cds, I will go to the new age section to check whether "Secret Garden" has came out with new albums. If there is, I will immediately sms her...

That is my secret of "The Secret Garden"... Anyway, she has totally vanished from my life... Its a sad story...

Hectic...

2005-09-06T23:20:00.000-07:00

So busy that my mind is always on school work. No time to even capture my past. For those who are eager to read about my history, please be patient. Hopefully, the hectic life of mine will pass soon.

The Oldest Thing I Can Remember...

2005-07-21T10:09:00.000-07:00

Frankly speaking, I do not know which one of my memories should be ranked as the oldest (when I was the youngest)... So let me just start with something I can remember before I even went into kindergarden...

Don't really know whether my kindergarden should be known as PAP (People's Action Party). That was what everyone called my kindergarden... I really think it should have some other fancier or nicer name like Cloud Palace, Kids Haven etc... my kindergarden was in Hougang. Therefore, my memories of the time before my kindergarden should be before I've moved to Hougang...

My first home was in Ang Mo Kio (near the road that divides Bishan)... I can vaguely remember what my surroundings look like... I can recall the overhead bridge, the playground (I always call a playground as "see-saw"... Only when I was older, I realised see-saw is merely an item in the playground)... I can remember the design of my floor and the clothes that I loved to wear (Batman and Robin T-shirt with a sexy short short). There was a dirty green sofa in my living room and I remember I always hide behind the sofa (Don't really know for what reason)...

Those were the days...

Ballet Under the Stars...

2005-07-17T00:57:00.000-07:00

Just watched "Ballet Under the Stars - The Little Mermaid" in Fort Canning... It was nice since it is not those classical ballet... And the choreography was wonderful... Too bad the performance wasn't really under the stars... It was more like "Ballet Under the Dark Clouds" since it was drizzling...

As the performance went on in line with the National Day Parade (NDP) rehearsal, the hovering helicopter was a nuisance... Luckily, it was compensated by the beautiful fireworks of the NDP... It is a cooling night now... Hope everyone can enjoy their sleep in this perfect weather!

Can This Be A Start of the Never Ending Story?...

2005-07-13T09:37:00.000-07:00

Just finished reading a book written by Dick Lee - The Adventures Of the Mad Chinaman... Well! He calls himself a mad chinaman because of certain reasons (particularly because he is a mad musician... Think all musicians have to be a bit mad to be famous). Anyway, I was quite impressed and inspired by his work. He is able to narrate out all the nitty gritty details of his life story (he has a freaking cool life...) As I read his book, memories of my past also started coming back into my mind... Realise that I can remember a lot of my past also (but with the addition things I need to memorise in NUS, I am losing my images of my past). SO... I will try to write out everything I can remember about my history in this blog (hopefully I have the patience and determination).

Many people know that I am a man of nostalgia. Always living in the past... collectin old items, listening to oldies and dreaming about my past... To others, my past might be insignificant since I am merely a nobody. However, to me, my past is something special to me... Something that other people will not have...

My inital dream is to open a cafe about my life... Inside will be everything about me... My photos, my pipas, my exam results, my junks and last but not least, my FRIENDS and FAMILIES... These are all the people who made up all the memories I have... Therefore, they must be there... I will give special priviledge cards to them where they can have special discounts to drinks and any other things... That will be the Hub for Zhiliang's pals... Somehow, some of my friends said this cafe is not feasible... Boo Hoo... What a killjoy! They said I am not some celebrity... Well... That's precisely the reason why I am opening this sort of cafe... Cos it has a theme of a "nobody" like me... Something special and du2 yi1 wu2 er4!!! Well... maybe its really not feasible... Sigh... So maybe I just write a book on myself... and keep it as a family heirloom... haha..

That is it for today... Hope I can start writting about my memories in the next blog soon...

A+: Its My First (& Hope Its Not My Last)...

2005-07-07T07:14:00.000-07:00

Yeah!!! I 've got an A+ for my Field Studies Module... Let me be proud of myself for a while ok? This is not a simple A+... Prof Chang told me I am the only one with this grade and this is what he said on the email he sent me, "(Prof) Peggy (Teo) and I felt you really shone in this module, especially your two project presentations, class participation and general attitude throughout the module"... MUAHAHAHAHAHA... I am on CLOUD 9!!!

Next semester will be the most crucial times of my NUS life... If I can maintain or improve my CAP points (in the 2nd upper honours grades), I can apply for my honours thesis...

Wish me luck!!!

Finally Holidays...

2005-06-29T09:53:00.000-07:00

I am back... In March, I was rushing with projects... In April, I was having my examinations... In early May, I finished my exams and 4 days later, I started my special semester module... Phew... Now, I can finally rest...

Sorry... Cant update my audiences with the photos I ve taken in Malaysia for the last 3 weeks.. They are all in my fren's lap top now... and he is away in Taiwan... Anyway, its an enjoyable trip... Now... I ve friends all over Malaysia - Johor, Malacca, KL, Kelantan, Trengganu, Sarawak, Sabah etc... So happy to have so many more friends...

Really hope to join another such field studies module in future... =)

Exams Over and Here Comes Special Semester...

2005-05-09T12:17:00.000-07:00

Dun wanna complain anymore about examination though all papers sux... =p After only 3 days of rest, I will be starting my special semester liao lo... My field studies module... When I signed up for it, thought it is a relaxing module... But sian... its realli tough... Every Monday to Friday, we need to reach NUS at 930am for lectures and tutorials... Everything will end at 630pm daily... After that, we might still need to meet up for project discussions... Aiyoh... All all the hard work will pay by giving me an 'A' grade... =p

Anyway, gg to Malaysia for 3 weeks will be part of the module (from 29th of May)... Hope its fun... (and hope I can learn to tolerate culture differences) =p

Just Wanna Complain...

2005-04-27T20:00:00.000-07:00

Today is my 1st paper... I answered the first question (which is worth the most marks - 20%) without reading the question properly. In the end, I wrote totally out of point... Exams... Just 2 hours to determine what you will get for your final grade.. Nobody sees how hard you have worked for the exams... It is basically a competition on who can best managed stress, who can write the fastest... How much is dependent on one's hardwork is doubtful... Extremely doubtful...

2nd paper tomorrow....... Good luck to me!

Addicted to Studying?...

2005-04-22T02:28:00.000-07:00

Recently, the building of two behemoth tourist resorts in Singapore that include casino has raised some issues on gambling and its social problems. People started mentioning about the harmful consequences if one gets addicted to gambling...

I was thinking.. Why people are always addicted to bad stuff? Drugs, cigarettes, gambling, PC gaming, sex etc... All bad things seem to be addictive (Luckily, I still never heard of anyone get addicted by committing terrorist acts except OSAMA)!!! Why doesn't people get addicted to good things? Addicted to studying, addicted to helping people, addicted to dial 1900-112-6888 (NKF hotline), addicted to love... All these sound like pipe dreams...

Cant think too much.... Gotta go back to my studies... Only 5 days left... =( Sian... How I wish I could be addicted to studying (maybe my gf will suffer if thats the case =p)...

I c a "C"!!!... Sickening...

2005-04-14T20:19:00.000-07:00

Stunned... Sad... When I received my assignment paper, I almost fainted (I actually thought I got the wrong paper)... I was over-confident... never thought I would see a "C" in my NUS years... That assignment is 10% of my overall grade... Shit!!! Will have to put in 150% effort to get an A for that module... I MUST DO WELL... (cos this is the module I ve most confidence in... Dun even ask me about the rest of my modules... They sucks big time)

Going off to study... Bought scones, bread, cookies to keep me going... (or maybe to vent my anger by eating)... Sigh... Hope all my friends out there wont experience my kind of "pain" (maybe i am over-reacting)...

Someone told me "results ain't important"... I think thats BULLSHIT... Wake up man... This is the real world... Do not over-romanticized the place where we lived in...

Sorry about my language... I am just really sad...

I'm only human
It's so easy for your friends to give you their advice
They'll tell you, just let it go
It's easier said than done
I appreciate it, I do, but
Just leave me alone
Leave me alone
Just leave me alone
And nothing gonna change
You can go away
I'm just gonna stay here
And always be the same

- Taken from Limp Bizkit, Nookie.

The BIG Fuss Over a Textbook?...

2005-04-10T22:30:00.000-07:00

You all should have heard from the news about the contested issue over the newly published Japanese History Textbook... Just a penny of my thoughts... I think the PRCs are over-reacting!!! Crazy people... I know about Japanese history and how China Chinese and Koreans had suffered under the Japs' hands.. However, all these are HISTORY... What are those protesters doing now? Trying to remind people around the world to sympathesize them? I strongly believe that in this post modern era, the new generation of Japaneses have the right to be respected. Their grandfathers' doings are not within their control...

Radically, I even think there is nothing wrong with "changing the history"... I mean who really knows about the exact history? For the Koreans, they have their own perceptions on what happened during WWII and similarly for the PRC and Japanese... I agree that some parts of the dark history are struck off in this textbook, but I really think it is a good idea... Whats the reason behind to remind Japanese young kids that their grandfathers or great grand fathers were once murderers and rapists? As part of nation building, I support Japanese to reinvent their history... =p

As for PRC, I got a phrase for them "yuan1 yuan1 xiang1 bao4 he2 shi2 liao3" (i.e. revenge is never ending) Why keep reminding themselves that they were once victims of WWII? They should have let their lives go on... Especially the future generation's lives to move on... reminding them of these unsightly pasts will only create more contestations between nations...

Old Japan WAS guilty... But not the contemporary Japan... Thats all I ve to say...

It is absurd to me (maybe not to the PRCs and Koreans) that a harmless looking textbook like this would have catalysed this strings of violent acts in Beijing, HK and Korea...

Picnic in a Bus Stop...

2005-04-09T01:40:00.000-07:00

Initially going for a dance performance in Fort Canning Park just now... Since the schedule reflected that picnic will commence at 5.30pm, I ve b(r)ought sliced guava from home, egg salad from Hans, and a bread with crab meat (Sorry... I dunno the supposed name for that) from Delifrance...

In the end, when me and my gf happily walked until the entrance, she realised that her tickets were left at home... Sigh... What can I say? I took a deep breath and gulped down all my anger... So everything was alright... However, she kept complaining that she will feel better if I were to voice out my anger... Girls... Dunno what you all are thinking... Thought by not being angry will be what she wants... Think I need to go back and read that book about "Man from Mars, Woman from Venus" one more time...

Anyway, in the end, we ended up in a bus stop beside Fort Canning to munch on our dinner... What a day!!! Sigh......

"Die lah... Confirm didnt do well for the ________"

2005-04-04T16:06:00.000-07:00

"Die lah... Confirm didnt do well for the ________"... The _______ can either be one's project, test or exams... Does this sentence look familiar to anyone of you? Well, I kept hearing it from my friends in NUS... However, the thing is... When they got back their results, its always an A+, A or A-... Oh SHIT... these people sound so disgusting right? Sian... Just 2dae one guy got an A+ for his project and he was complaining to me how bad his will be... If A+ is bad, den what is good??????

*Self Reflecting* Hmm... Am I one of them... Just today, i was also complaining about my test before it was given back to me... Well... Shit... i got an A-... Think after hearing my complaining and seeing my result, she also sian diao... =p haha... Well... Sometimes, there is such a thing call luck... I am just lucky... But I will try not too make too much "noise" about some project, test or exams I ve done... Anyway, why I always did that (or anybody else) might be to comfort oneself by preparing for the worst... Hence, if the result is a lot better than expected, its a BONUS...

Sickening... I will be receiving two of the worst essays I ve ever done tml and wednesday... Super no confidence.... Oops... There I go again... (but i am really worried)...

Group Project With All Sorts of Group Members...

2005-04-01T02:27:00.000-08:00

How many group projects have I done? hmmm... MANY... Can't help it... I am studying in FASS and majoring Geography... Many group projects often come with many weird group members (Sounds like "Great Power Comes with Great Responsibilities" - From Spiderman =p)

Currently, I am working on another geography group project on Bugis Street's stuff... Appointed as the group leader, it is inevitable that I will be doing most of the work since I need to oversee that everything will be perfect... I am a perfectionist!!! Hence, most of the time, I wont give much stuff to my group members... However, one irritating member kept asking me to give her stuff to do... Oh my... She really irritating me (*Pulling Hair*)... The first time I saw her, I know shes a gone case... And I am ABSOLUTELY RIGHT

Just imagine I distribute everything among 4 other group members... What will happen??? I will tell you... When the work is done and shown to me, I will surely get MAD and Super BUSY. Cos everyone is writing different stuff that needs major editing... And whos doing it? ME ME ME... Why can't she understand this like the rest of my group members???

If this is the only reason, I wont blame her... However, you know why is she so enthu to help me and before that she is like heck care of anything to do with this project. Well well... U heard of peer appraisal? Yes... When the lecturer announced that we need to do a peer appraisal upon submission, she started panicking... In additional, she did not even read any things regarding our project and how do you expect me to distribute work to her?

Anyway, I admit that I am a potential out-of-this-world group member when working with others... Bernie.. If u are reading this, you should know... Hahaha... =p I tend to trust only one person and that is myself.. Hence, most of the time, I will try to do everything by myself... Heee... and only ideas contributed by me is feasible... Wahahaha... I am SO IRRITATING also... Cant help it.. I am born like that... What can I do? I dunno... =( Sorry to those poor group members out there who actually worked with me before... (though I believe some of them really appreciate my presence cos of my hardwork)

Next week's Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday will be my doomsdays... Cos all my assignments will be handed back to me... I really don't have any confidence... Sigh... Anyone up there (in heaven), help me...

Is Study Everything?

2005-03-31T00:46:00.000-08:00

Recently, I feel like giving up my studies because of two essays that I ve done. Think I must be mentally prepared for next week to get them back. No hope... =(

If I strike lottery, I really want to quit studying cos I am giving myself too much stress... I am a very competitive person. Every assignments is a competition between me and my friends and even strangers. Argghh... This is madness!

Should I just aim for a second lower honours so that I wont be so stressful? Help me...

Finally Blog Again...

2005-03-26T02:46:00.000-08:00

Hi Hi... I am finally back... Really been busy this semester... Who hasnt... haha... =p Recently, got a lot of problems with my PC... Even now with my new CPU, the computer will still tend to auto shutdown... Sad sad... Think I am too dependent on my PC... Will go mad if something bad happen to this "box".

Tired now... Realy tired after that game of badminton... Long time never exercise... Now aching all over... Must get some rest... Need to "pia" 2 more projects... Hope I can finish my stuff quick so will have time for my dear dear Xiuhua... =p

Gotta sleep now... zzzZZZZzzzz

HSBC Tree Top Walk and Trekking in Singapore's Central Catchment Area...

2004-12-31T22:09:00.000-08:00

10.5km... Yes.... This is how far we had to walk... Or should i say, we have walked...

On the tree top walk finally... After being in the rain for 2 hours, walking around 5km...

This is me on the start of the canopy walk...

And here are our companions on the bridge across the canopy of the forest...

These monkeys were attracted by the food offered by the china tourists in front of us... Anyone reading my blog, PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE MONKEYS...

This is how we looked after finishing the 10.3 km trek... My legs were wet and soggy and numb... Both of us were drenched from the top to the bottom... Its really cold out there... But I think my girlfriend is still strong due to the long hours of shopping training she had in the past...

Residue of the Past...

2004-12-21T18:54:00.000-08:00

A Residue of the Past in the Modern Garb of Singapore Landscape... One of the last few retro-looking bus-stop...

Curse My Ex-Pipa Teacher...

2004-12-14T23:01:00.000-08:00

It was only this year that I've realised that I was cheated by my ex-pipa teacher, LIN JIA MEI... U see the pipa below... It has always been my treasure... I bought it at $1900 from my ex-pipa teacher Lin Jia Mei when I was in Secondary two around 1995 - 1996. Damned it... Now when i think of how Lin Jia Mei sold it to me, I realised that she is a cunning and evil and sinister and F*** UP person... This type of people will only be fit to live in hell... Arggghhh... Let me narrate my story...

I am not from a rich family and I can say that a family with 3 guys all going to university have really put a heavy financial burden on my parents... My dad has been working for almost 40 years as a low-paid worker in a construction company. From a salary of $1500 till now, $2000, he managed to be the sole breadwinner of our family to raise us all to university and paid for all our school fees... that includes my pipa lesson fees... and that stupid pipa that cost more than one time of its price...

Then, Lin Jia Mei tempted me to buy a new pipa since she said that my skills had improved... She told me that she would go to China and hand-picked a good one for me... When she returned, she sold one to me at $1900. And she said to me that the price is originally $2500 but she gave me a $600 discount and told me not to breath a word to any of my pipa friends cos she said that only I got the special price... So do you all know why she did not want me to tell others about the price of my pipa? Cos she did not want me to know that she has cheated me of my dad's hard earned money...

Can you all see whats wrong now? I can... My brain was seriously and absolutely wrong at that time... I should have ask for the receipt... Damn it... Just by selling that pipa to me at $1900, she had squeezed more than 1000 bucks from me into her pocket... F*** her... I respected her a lot since she was my teacher and I had learned pipa from her for around 10 years... She has cheated me without showing any signs of guilt... This is the $1900 pipa below... It supposed to only have cost $800 at that time... Even now, it does not cost $1900... Come to think of it now, I was sad and angry with myself... Many people told me... If I had learned my pipa from some other teacher, i would have mastered my pipa skills by long time ago... Now, I am still trying to rectify my basics by learning from a new teacher - Liuyan...

This is the $1900 pipa sold to me in 1995...

1900 bucks pipa that should have cost only 800 bucks

Restless Night...

2004-12-06T01:00:00.000-08:00

Its already 1 am in the morning... My body is aching all over as a result of yesterday's jogging... I am very awake now as I slept 5 full hours during the afternoon... Slept like a pig...

Have been thinking... What awaits me in the coming semester... Surely there will be more projects, term papers and exams... However, will there be less friends, less hours of time for my girlfriend and less time to sleep...

I dunno... Just hope that there will be more of good stuff and less of bad stuff... Dec 2004 is coming to an end... What does 2005 means? I dunno... Life goes on and on and on... Learn an interesting phrase this year -

Take Nothing But Memories, Leave Nothing But Footprints, Waste Nothing But Time...

What can you see from this phrase? I see sadness...

MRT Facts Unknown to You...

2004-12-05T12:15:00.000-08:00

Which Mrt Station was Formerly a Shaolin Temple? Hougang Station Along the North East Line... Those Hand Prints Tell You Why... (Thousand Hands Iron Palm Kung Fu)Maybe I could find the secret kungfu manual somewhere in the station... Then I would be INVINCIBLE and the whole world would be mine... Muahahahahaha...

Praying is Necessary for "Troubled" People like Me...

2004-12-05T12:12:00.000-08:00

What A Busy Sunday Morning for the "Troubled" People!!!

Who's that Guy Who Gets Touch By Hundreds of People Per Day - Answer: The Laughing Buddha...

Flowers for the Gods...

A Typical Sunday Morning of Kuan Yin Temple at Waterloo Street

Eventfullest Day...

2004-12-03T22:17:00.000-08:00

Today is the day when I can finally accompany my girlfriend for morning till night... But I didnt expect it to be so eventful...

When I left my house to meet my girlfriend in the morning, I saw an abandoned rabbit (with a cage) in the void deck... My reaction was... What can I do to save it? I stood beside the rabbit and waited for half an hour when finally I saw an auntie with her daughter attracted by the rabbit... I know the "Angel" had arrived... =p At first, she seemed reluctant when I persuaded her to keep the rabbit... But when I volunteered to carry the cage + rabbit to her house... Hee... I did it... She finally agreed... However, I also remind her that if she don't want the rabbit eventually, give a call to SPCA... I've saved a rabbit... Hurray for Zhiliang... Hahaha... =p

The second and third interesting but embarrassing moments that happened to me is 1) I tried to walk through the MRT "gate" without even scanning my Ezlink card... I was dreaming since I thought the "gate" was supposed to work like those automatic doors you can find in shopping centres... Stupid me... 2) I realised that I forgot to zip up my jeans when I am in WISMA ATRIA... Oh mine... Oh god... Luckily, my T-shirt was long enough to cover my "opening"... =p

Finally, the day ended with a nice show of "The Incredibles" accompanied by "tons" of screaming kids in the cinema... I swear I will only allow 2 children in my future home... Haha... =p...

I am glad I have an Eventfullest Day thats worth remembering...

Reflection...

2004-12-01T02:03:00.000-08:00

Exams are finally over... At least for this semester... I still have a few years to go... Just received a personal mail from my history tutor, Leander. Quite a nice fellow. Really proud to receive a personalize email since that shows that I am "something" not "nothing". =p Oops.. Am i being too egoistic? Anyway, sent him a reply on how I felt about my examinations or should I said I am merely trying to fina another person to complain to... I hope with his BIG BRAINS, maybe he could come up some tips for me in writing essays in exams...

After thinking for a few hours, I should have known why I (think I've) did badly for this semster's examinations. Although I ve been quite consistent with my readings and notes, I did not really put in enough effort during the examination period. I was lazy and most importantly, I could concentrate in studying. Plus a few other factors such as stress (Thats a factor important enough for me) I will always remember what Lisa (my "Singapore Society" tutor) told us - that it will really be a waster if one worked so hard during the semester but fumbled in examination. I totally agree with her.

I dun dare to think about my scores for the examinations now. I know its bad but since its not yet known, I am still wishing for some miracles to happen. It happened last semester. But dunno whether that will be the same for this semester...

Well... At least for this semester, I ve learn to write better in my projects and assignments... (though I sill have some problem in using words like "raison d etre", "Hitherto" etc...) Hence, for next semester, there should be no excuse that I can do badly for projects and term papers... Regarding examinations, I hope I wont be depending on luck anymore but on my own ability for the coming semesters.. Really regretted for what I've done and what I've not done in this semester... Both for my studies and for my girlfriend... She must have suffered a lot.. Sigh...

Finally, good luck to my dear fren - Bernie, for her last paper... Yoz... Hope tat when you are reading this, you will be enjoying your holidays liao... Haha...

And to myself... Zhiliang... You have tried your best but there is still room for improvement... Learn to concentrate in whatever you do... Not forgetting how to manage stress... =p Congrats for your LRT personal journals which is seleceted as the model paper for your module mates... =)

NUS Campus...

2004-11-30T10:12:00.000-08:00

Where do you think this photo is taken from?

Opposite Y.I.

What a Nice Day outside NUS

From Behind UCC...

Familiar Huh!!

Utterly Disappointed With My LRT Exam...

2004-11-23T18:59:00.000-08:00

I hate examinations... But I simply cant escape from them... I feel its absurb to judge a person's ability in a mere 2 hours exam after attending for a few months of lessons...

Today, I just have my LRT (Leisure, Recreation and Tourism) examination... It sucks... I have spent so much effort in preparing for it... For this exam, I even did research on the net so my answers will be unique from the others... However, once i stepped into the examination hall, all was lost... In a panic, I had forgotten to include all the important points for my essay... And I believe like everyone else, there is this stupid time constraint...

Examinations test a person's ability to cope with stress more than to test one's knowledge... I am not boasting... But I am good and creative in my answer... Its just that stress and time constraints (plus my slow handwriting) are often the hindrance to my performance... Think I ve flung this semester's examination... after so much hardwork put in all my projects... 11 projects!!! But i ve managed to get 10 of them at least an A-... (The last one was not given back) I even have 3 of my personal journals put up on the IVLE as model essays... I am the ONLY ONE... That proves that I am not stupid... However, many people think that I am from those inferior batches of students... Its their perceptions that have caused me to lose confidence in myself...

Oh... Please... If there is a GOD, a BUDDHA or ALLAH up there, I hope a miracle will happen for me... What I need now is LUCK... Sigh... Really feel like slapping myself for not being at my fullest form in examinations.........

Symptoms of Stress...

2004-11-23T01:24:00.000-08:00

1) Cutting Fingernails almost daily
2) Shaving my beard and moustache daily
3) Bathe longer than usual
4) Brush teeth harder than usual
5) An appetite for junk food and no appetite for meals
6) Diarrhea
7) Playing with lighter

Poor me... I feel like dying... =(

Mind Mapping...

2004-11-16T01:20:00.000-08:00

Mind Mapping 4 Exam... Fun and Learn (Edu-tainment)

So little time to study yet draw so many colorful mindmaps... Siaoz... Well, hope they help me to remember better...

Alanis Morissette Knows What Life Is - Full of Ironies

2004-11-12T17:46:00.000-08:00

Alanis Morissette - Ironic

An old man turned ninety-eight

He won a lottery and died the next day

It"s a black fly in your Chardonnay

It"s a death row pardon two minutes too late

Isn"t it ironic ... don"t you think

It"s like rain on your wedding day

It"s a free ride when you"ve already paid

It"s the good advice that you just didn"t take

Who would have thought ... it figures

Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly

He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids good-bye

He waited his whole damn life to take that flight

And as the plane crashed down he thought

"Well isn"t this nice ..."

And isn"t it ironic ... don"t you think

It"s like rain on your wedding day

It"s a free ride when you"ve already paid

It"s the good advice that you just didn"t take

Who would have thought ... it figures

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you

When you think everything"s okay and everything"s going right

And life has a funny way of helping you out when

You think everything"s gone wrong and everything blows up

In your face

A traffic jam when you"re already late

A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break

It"s like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife

It"s meeting the man of dreams

And then meeting his beautiful wife

And isn"t it ironic ... don"t you think

A little too ironic ... and yeah I really do think ...

It"s like rain on your wedding day

It"s a free ride when you"ve already paid

It"s the good advice that you just didn"t take

Who would have thought ... it figures

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you

Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out

The Best Lecturer & the Best Project Group...

2004-11-12T01:36:00.000-08:00

This the email sent to me and my group mates for the module "Leisure, Recreation and Tourism"...

Congratulations Lasab Tours for a wonderful job in A2 and A3. This is not
just my opinion, but that of your peers (which is more important, since
they represent the "mass audience" you were trying to convince).

It is clear you all worked very hard; from your peer review of each other
and my own observations in tutorial, you also worked very cohesively and
harmoniously as a team. Your good results is proof of this!

I hope you keep up the good work for the examination, and also for future
Geography modules.

Best wishes, TC

I have really enjoyed this module throughout the semester to the extent that I have been following through the 39 readings... (Thats not the case for my other modules.
LaSab Tours, meaning "Dirty Tour", is my group project name... And we ve got the most "powerful" and hardworking people inside.

ALVIN - The No. 01... He is the best of the best and every teachers' pet.
WEIJIAN - The Golden Hair... Thought he was a gangster but he is a DAMN NICE person.
SYAIFU - The Only Malay... This Guy is hardworking man... Sure get an A for his exam.
JIAJIE - The Xiao On... Always put his best foot forward.

Wow... With all this people in LaSab Tours PTE LTD, we have made it... An A for our group project... And I got an A for my individual journal too... YEAH...

The best thing is: We have won the votes of many to get a third and a fourth position for the group projects... We were so proud when that was announced during the lecture... Hahahahahahahahaha... We've made it...

And we have the best lecturer in the GEOGRAPHY DEPT also... Associate Professor TC Chang... Cant describe cause he is just too good... For NUS Students, take this module to experience it yourself... Haha

Thank You LaSab Tours and TC Chang... The most memorable module that I ve ever taken... =)

LaLa Is Her Name...

2004-11-06T21:48:00.001-08:00

Lalalalalalalala.... Hee

Dreamt about my Fav Kitty 2 nights ago... I dunno why I called her by the name, "LaLa"... So when I woke up, thats it... LaLa will be her name...

Went to Cat "Hunting" with a bag of pork floss (those that are compressed into "sticks") in Pasir Ris Park yesterday night. Found a lot of cats loitering around... However, these cats were different from LaLa... They are scared of human... When I fed them, I had to throw the pork floss at a distance so the food is far away from me... In the end, I kept 2 sticks of pork floss for LaLa...

Took these two photos of LaLa when I went home yesterday from Pasir Ris Park... ust to let her remember her name, I kept chanting "LALALALALALALALALALALALALA" in her ears... Haha... Think she had a nightmare yesterday because of that... =p Anyway, she loves pork floss... Well... Thats for sure... Pork Floss is so expensive... I even heard from a friend that her pet cat craves for pork floss and Ba4Gua1... haha...

Her Name Is LaLa..

2004-11-06T21:48:00.000-08:00

Her Name is "LaLa"

Isn't she photogenic? Haha... =p Or is it my photography skills?

Future Home

2004-11-04T22:04:00.000-08:00

This Green Plant Will Be 4 My Future Home...

This will be near the door of my future home... =) I love "Green"... Will add more furnitures if I ve managed to take photos of them... Regretted never taken the photos of some wooden furniture that was displayed in Hougang Mall last week. Really like those furnitures - the bed was so nice... =p

I want my house to have theme either yearly or maybe a "4-seasons" theme... Singapore is just so dull with sun all year round... Just my dream... But i will try to fulfill it... =)

Irritated...

2004-11-03T15:16:00.000-08:00

My Location:

National University of Singapore, NUS (6th Floor, Central Library Computer Room)

Getting irritated by two girls chatting in front of me while I am working on my final project of this semster... Arrggghhh... Want to ask them to shut up but dun wanna spoil my image in NUS... ha... Den on the left, one computer was simply booked by one inconsiderate person who just place a sweet and a piece of paper on the table... That person is gone for around 3 hrs already... So fascinated by how NUS people can behave... And I am turning into one of such bastards also due to the competitive structure of NUS. Everyone is just so INDIVIDUALISTIC, pursuing their own goals at the expense of others.

Can't help it... This is life. This is Singapore. This is the NUS - Nerdy and Utterly Selfish university.

Fav Kitty...

2004-10-31T23:07:00.000-08:00

So itchy... Scratch scratch...

Fav Kitty...

2004-10-31T23:06:00.000-08:00

Did you notice that I cant manage to get a picture of her face? =p She's shy... Haha

My first contact with this cat was around 3 months ago when I came home around mid-night. She was sitting on top of the car boot. When I approached her, she doesn't seem to be wary of my presence. Hence, I started stroking her.... She liked it and started moving closer to my hand and rubbing at me as well... She even overturned herself to let me "tickle" her... Haha... So cute.... (My girl friend is gonna be jealous... =p)

Now, I was playing with her almost everyday unless she is not around. I heard from two boys that someone fed this cat everyday and the "owner" just lived on the 3rd storey. Recently, "Fav Kitty" was always not around cos of the renovation around the area.

I remembered a few days ago, a boy wearing school uniform was staring at me when I was playing with "Fav Kitty". I was a bit suspicious of that little boy. When I left the cat. I turned and looked back. I was shocked to see that boy pouring water from his water bottle on her.... Argghhhh.. I was damned angry with the boy. Before I could give him a scolding, he ran away. Poor cat... Her backside was all wet...

Did anyone realise many domestic cats roaming in Singapore has one of its ear "bitten" off? Well, I do. Heard from a friend that its a marking that the cat has been "cleansed" from possible diseases by the authorities so that they wont be carriers of viruses, bacteria or germs (I cant differentiate which is which... =p). Dunno whether thats true or not.

Anyway, I was a bit guilty cos taking these photo of her cos she seemed quite pissed off by the flashes from my camera... haha... Gotta apologised to her the next time I see her... =p

When I have settled down in future, I want a pet cat... Preferably those from the wild... They are free and I wont be encouraging pet trade also... Hee...

Preference is Dependent on Time...

2004-10-27T02:04:00.000-07:00

Leander - my history tutor was so much of a nuisance to me when I first saw him in tutorial. He is very calculative and tends to quantify everything.... even to the extent of jotting down how many comments did each of us made during the tutorial. What a horrific experience for me. I can never forget what he said about me in front of the class, "ZL, give others a chance to talk. You got full marks for your participation grade." Duh!!!!!!!!! =(

Now... After sending him a few emails regarding my term papers, I realised being calculative is a pro. He is fair to his students. All his emails are replied in ambiguous forms as he makes sure that his reply wont be an additonal information to one and not to another. Just today, I received an email of encouragment by him.....

Hi Zhiliang,

I am unlikely to be free after tomorrow's tutorial except for a few minutes as I will be rushing off to do a few things before a History postgraduate gathering later in the afternoon. I don't see why there should be so much confusion over the question you have selected: identify one problem and argue why you think this was "Japan's major problem by the Taisho period". The key to understanding what "problem" refers to is that the topic/aspect/decision etc. had negative implications/impact. The extent of the impact is of course up to you, just as long as your essay is able to successfully justify why this was the main problem by the time of the Taisho emperor's reign. I will not read your outline even if you ask me to because this wouldn't be fair to the other students, besides which vetting your outline would be tantamount to writing half of your essay for you. Having said this, I sense the key issue here is not that you don't understand the question, but rather, that you lack confidence in your own ability. Quite frankly, I don't see this as a problem because it's all in the mind; I'm not the strictest marker around but I am very picky about awarding As and A-s, so if you were capable of getting an A- for the first essay, ability is not an issue. Have more confidence in yourself.

Best Wishes,
Leander

Wow... what a long reply... But this is not all... Wait till you check this out.....

I think you're not being over-sensitive but being over-cautious. No risk, no gain, my friend. It's just like your first essay: even though there were some problems in terms of your structure, the unconventional and sophisticated nature of your question and subsequent response certainly warranted nothing less than an A-. As for going off tangent, the most basic rule to bear in mind is that if a section or even a sentence doesn't help your cause in answering the question or directly contributing to your argument, leave it out. Hence, the first sentence of your essay (ie. half of the incomplete sentence provided plus your own formulated half) is your thesis statement (ie. your main argument), and you should therefore use this sentence as a springboard to weave a web of various points with the aim of supporting the perspective/stance advocated in your opening thesis sentence.

You will also want to bear in mind that your essay needs to stand out vis-a-vis your peers' essays in order for you to get an A- or A, so do think carefully about how you want to complete the opening statement, besides which you should plan your essay structure in such a way that the paper isn't the same as anyone else's. One method would be to identify a problem which most students wouldn't think of, or at least to phrase it in an original manner. I certainly don't want to see main arguments lifted from any of my tutorials or private consultation sessions. To cite an example, I would answer the question on why the Japanese Empire couldn't have lasted indefinitely by suggesting that it was perhaps an empire only in name. Doing so would afford me with the opportunity to interrogate the cohesion (or lack thereof) within the Japanese Empire by focusing on the concept of what is meant by "empire". This brings me to another point: another way to make your essay stand out would be to use various theoretical concepts. Examples of theories which are historiographical in nature would include the "impact-response" and "tradition-modernity" approaches. You can always use other non-historiographical theories, like the one about "empire" which I mentioned. Good hunting for that A; I look forward to reading your piece.

Best,
Leander

I am getting to accept this guy. A good, frank and sincere person. Maybe my preference about him will change again if I got a bad grade for my next term paper. =p Haha

Never Regretted Sending That Sms... =)

2004-08-09T02:36:00.000-07:00

Got the reply by that good friend of mine... Her name is weilin... Decided to type out what she has replied to me and share them with u all... =)

"Haha.. Tt was a long long time ago. cant really rem wats e show all abt, but tink its a nice show anyway.haha.dnt wry, ur memory is stil nt tt bad. =)" - Weilin

"I was so pai seh to msg u... Wrote a web blog online abt me being so shocked on remembering such details... =p... I was doubting whether i m dreaming so msg u to confirm... haha... Shocking msg huh!!" - Fishy Fishy

"Haha... Its ok man. can b nice to recv msgs frm old frens... hope u hv been doin fine." - Weilin

"I ve been fine... school starting on coming tues... =) Will be working really hard again.. U studying for honours now? - Fishy Fishy

"Haha. okie. continue to wk hard man. know tt u can make it! I m alrdy out in e wkg world. Mine 3yrs direct honours." - Weilin

"Wow... hope u re doing fine... =) Think while u are working, u must be missing those studying days... hee.." - Fishy Fishy

"Ya. of cos man. E wkg world can actually b so complicated.Haha.then muz wake soearly... but stil survivg.. haha." - Weilin

"Haha... I ll treasure my study days more den... Where u working at n wat do u do? - Fishy Fishy

"Wkg in a recruitmt firm as mgmt trainee.Haha.U shd lor. Enjoy while u can." -Weilin

"Oh.... jiayou jiayou... Must smile more in working world hor... I remember u seldom smile in photographs last time... haha... Ok... happy national day... Hee" - Fishy Fishy

"Haha. Thks for the advice man. Will bear tt in mind. U too. Enjoy the rest of e long wkend. =)" - Weilin

"Yup... Good night... Keep in contact... =) Nv regret sending tat embarrassing msg... haha..." - Fishy Fishy

"Aiyo...wats so embarrassg? Haha... No worries man... yap... Keep in touch n nitz! =)" - Weilin

Thats all... Haven really been in contact with her for a very long time... A few years time i guess.. She was a veri close fren to me during my secondary school time... Like her veri much last time but nothing turn up well in the end after 3 years of veri close frendship.... Come to think of these memories, i am so glad to have them... So veri glad...

Hope u will be a happier person, Weilin... Dun think about those unhappy past memories of yours... =) All the best in the working world...

Never regretted sending the inital sms... It just give me such nice, old and warm feelings...

A Good Show Like What She Said

2004-08-09T00:15:00.000-07:00

Finished watching "The City of Angels"... Like wat she said, it is a really really really nice show... A male angel fell in love with a female mortal. In order to be with the girl, the angel decided to give up immortality to become human and live with the her. Unfortunately and sadly, she died after having spent a day with him.

I have just done an embarrasing thing. I msg to the girl who told me that this was a good show... Think she will be soooooo shocked to receive my msg... This is what I ve msg her:

"Suddenly wan to msg u... haha... Just finished watching city of angels frm channel 5... I know u watch it be4... U said its a pirated vcd and R(A)... =p Think u also dun remember telling me tat... Dun be shocked by my msg... Just wan to confirm whether my memory is that good... "

Think she will think i am mad... haha... and maybe i am... =p

My Ultimate Memory...

2004-08-08T23:23:00.000-07:00

Watching "The City of Angels" now... Den suddenly my mind just tells me that someone told me before that its a nice show... I think that was 5 years + ago... She told me that she got this pirataed vcd and there are some R(A) scenes.

Cant believe the amount of details I can remember about things that happen to me with people beside me... I just cant forget things all the details i ve being through with my friends, family and simply anybody.

Guess thats the reason why I always feel sad about time and age and the feelings that fade with them. You can never find back those things that happen in the past. Even when I type this blog again tml with the exact same words on the exact same time, the feeling won't be the same... nothing will be the same anymore...

People die... Age has a limit. If age has no limit, people wont regret things that they haven do and things they have done... I realli wish to tell everyone how the I treasure the memories i had with them... Thats why I remember so clearly...

A Concerto By Fishy Fishy

2004-08-06T20:45:00.000-07:00

I ve got a golden opportunity to perform as the soloist for a concerto.

Just have a Chinese Orchestra meeting with our conductor yesterday. We were discussing about our upcoming concert in a year and a half's time. He suggested that our concert will be 2 veri grand songs plus 2 concertos. I am chosen as the soloist for a pipa concerto. The other will be an erhu concerto performed by my other friend.

I was too excited about this concert that i could not sleep yesterday. Only manage to enter dreamland after 4am in the morning today. I ve decided to go for something difficult which I had beem avoiding always. 1 and a half year should be enough for me to perfect the song.

Still missing my girlfriend... Heard that she is not enjoying her trip cos her parents are always quarelling. =p Hope she will be fine.

Worrying About My Future Career...

2004-08-04T22:53:00.000-07:00

Been looking through the pages under Singapore's National Heritage Board's website. Browsing through its career opportunities, I ve realise that what I am studying now is not relevent to what they require. I ve been looking forward to work under NHB for quite some time and thats also the reason why i major in geography. However, they are looking for graduates with degrees in either History, South East Asian Studies or Sociology. I really hope they will understand that having good geographical knowledge helps in preserving Singapore's heritage as well.

Sigh... really hope i can work under the National Archives department in future.

Missing You, Dear!

2004-08-02T16:25:00.000-07:00

Feeling lonely now... My girlfriend has gone to Europe with her parents on a tour... Really miss her... Hope these 10 days without her will pass quickly...

Quite worried about her also... Hope she can enjoy and take good care of herself...

"Naked"...

2004-07-31T02:00:00.000-07:00

Long time nv write in blog... I think thats mean I am passing my time normally without any special happenings... Just thought of something today...

While I was walking towards the train station, i passed by Dreamcatcher's house... I was kinda worried that I would meet her... Cos the previous letter I have sent her is about me telling her everything I feel... I would feel embarrassed since letting her know everything actually exposes me "nakedly"... Though i hope to see her and give her a smile but... Dunno whether i can do it or not...

Finally understand why she cant be friends with me anymore... She had wrote everything about her feelings to me in that letter which made her feel awkward to see me again... Just the same feeling that i have...

Well... I finally understand... Wont blame her if she still treat me like a stranger when we meet...

Letter of the Day!!!

2004-07-26T13:15:00.000-07:00

Sent Dreamcatcher an apology letter. Can't imagine her expression when she received it. =p Maybe no expression at all... Tossed it into the dustbin at the sight of my handwriting (probably she will remember how my handwriting looks like)

Told her in the letter that I dun wan to have any reply or any answer... Just hope that if we are fated to meet again, she will acknowledge when i smile to her. Thats all...

Good luck to me...

Farewell Friend

2004-07-24T00:54:00.000-07:00

Just finished seeing a friend off from the airport... She was going to Beijing to undergo training for one year. Subsequently, she will be working there for another two years... What a career woman... Alone in a different country... Her boyfriend was also at the airport and he looked quite sad...

Known this friend. Huiyi, as my chinese orchestra (CO) senior... when I first entered Anderson Junior College (AJC), I knew no one from the CO... It was all these ultra friendly seniors who made me feel so at home in AJ... All these years, my closest friends are all from Chinese Orchestra... Even my dearest girlfriend, Xiuhua, is from AJCO... She was my senior too... =) Times flies and I am still close with many of them but as these friends started working, its hard to get everyone together again... =p Well well... Thats the purpose of our CO... Try to get all my friends back... Hee...

Anyway, happy birthday to dreamcatcher... Cant say it to her so i just say to myself... Sigh. =(...

Dreamt of Dreamcatcher (A friend who will nv forgive me)

2004-07-22T07:53:00.000-07:00

I just woke up... and I was hoping I ll never wake up from that dream... Have not even brush my teeth, I rushed to the computer and started typing in this blog... Trying to recap the sweetest part of the dream...

Her nick is dreamcatcher...

This dream took place in a school (Cos everyone else was wearing uniform)... I just finished class or should i say, i just finished my last day in that school... As i was trying to get out of school that was packed with other students, I saw her... Smiling to me... Trying hard to smile to me... I can't believe what I've just saw so I ignored her and increase my pace... (Cos i was so ashamed to see her again... I had made her sad so I dun think she's smiling to me...) However, in the end, I still turned back... This time I am sure she was smiling... I smiled back.. I gave her the most sincere smile i can give... and the most apologetic one.... Her fren (whom i dunno in real life) said something to her and then to me... "He is a nice guy in school....." blah blah blah... She's teasing me but i know that she's trying to make her forgive me... Thanks to that stranger friend... I was so happy... cos she is smiling to me... But she never said a word to me...

That night, i remembered me dressed myself as a pizza deliveryman (haha... It was just so normal when i was dreaming... but now... i think its absurb!!) trying to get past the security of her condominium (in real life she dun live there)... I do not know her exact apartment no., so I tried looking into windows of different apartments and even entering some of them thru the ajarred doors... Just to look for her... Reason for doing all this: to be sure that she has forgiven me (I was hoping she tell me personally that she has)

From the top storey of the building to the bottom... I cant find her... Fianlly, in the ground floor... I saw her finally... with her friend again... "There... I tell you he will come looking for you tonight!!!" The friend said... Dream catcher smiled again... I smiled back... She told me actually she saw me desperately looking for her... I can feel that she was touched by what I did... Finally the dream ended with dreamcatcher, the friend and a few other friends going off for a movie... The last words i heard was from her friend... "Since 3 of us have birthdays that lies within a week, we should cherish this friendship..."(which is not true!!!) Dreamcatcher has finally forgiven me... (Thats actually not true also when I woke up)

No... She hasn't... I woke up and it was all a dream... Thats the nicest dream i had and the most cruel one... One moment of joy and another moment of emptiness... everything was just a dream... Just a dream... Just a dream... Just a dream... =(

Friends = Passersby of Life???

2004-07-22T00:30:00.000-07:00

Received the letter I was talking about in the previous blog... Its a card actually with quite a lot of stuff written on it... Her name, if translated into English, is called Autumn Sparrow... =)

This is what I've wrote to her... I was thinking of asking a lot of my ex-close friends out for a gathering... However, I am afraid that I would be disappointed if I can't find back the same old feeling that we used to have... Time passes and people change I guess... So what if i manage to get everyone out but in the end, we got nothing to talk about... =p

In response, this is what she wrote in the letter (I try to translate wat she wrote in Chinese to English)...

As time goes by, we grow and our lifestyle changes... Topics that we once chatted about isn't the same anymore and environment that we are exposed to are different. Hence, its unavoidable for friends to drift further apart... We can never find back the old feelings that we all used to have... Or maybe we shall never try to look for those feelings... Its better to leave them as good, old memories and try to create new memories... She added "No news can actually means good news"... (U shd understand what it means... Just in case u dun, it means ur friends are most probably having peaceful and normal life... Hence no news of them...)

Finally, she ended with "I've learned ---- that we don't have to change friends, if we understand that friends change..."

After finished reading the letter, i feel kinda sour... =p Are friends just passersby of life? Old friends will drift apart while new friends come... And this cycle will just go on and on and on................ I hope not... Or i will be very sad...

Snail Mail Vs Email

2004-07-21T10:57:00.000-07:00

Though almost everyone has accessed to internet and hence, email, I always prefer receiving "snail mail" rather than email... Waiting for one from a really nice friend now... Hope it will reach my letter box soon. =)

Writing in a letter takes a lot more effort than to type out an email. When you wrote something wrong, you can't just press on the the "delete" or "backspace" key from the keyboard... Many of the times, one will need to rewrite the entire letter again if only some parts of it is found unsatisfactory... I remember that in tv programmes and movies, you can always see a waste paper basket beside the person writing a letter and pieces of crushed paper on the floor. Thats the pain of sending snail mail or should i say, that reflects the effort put in when writing a letter...

As I grew older and got busier, I seldom see greeting cards and letters in my letter box. What a pity... Well, people ard me are getting busier too... Internet has made everything easier by creating e-cards, emails and e-"everything". I guess people just spent so much time in front of their computer and therefore, everything else is created to make accessible thru the internet. On thing to add... I hate e-cards (not the sender. =p) cos you will realise that most of them will self-delete after around 2 weeks... Tsk...

Can't blame the internet or any of my friends... Maybe its I who never put in much effort in keeping friendships... That might just explain the receding numbers of cards and letters in my letter box... Miss the feeling of reading from real, hard copy letter... =p

Guys out there... If you are sincere in going after a girl... Dun send e-cards or emails to her... Always send "hard copy" thru snail mail... =p

Both Hands in my Pockets!

2004-07-20T00:00:00.000-07:00

Oh no... I am having a slight fever now... Feeling really sleepy... Great! Finally, i can sleep early... Think its the slight sore throat that i got this morning + the stupid icy cold air conditioning in "K-Box" ktv...

Really cant stand cold... Prefer hot... Best is warm... I dun sleep with any fan or air condition switched on... =p

As i walk, i would put my hands in my pockets to feel the warmth... Most of the time, i dun leave home without a bag... With a bag behind me, at least i dun feel empty... I carry a bag and put hands in my pockets especially so when I am travelling alone... At least i can have a bag for company and my pockets to "hold" my hands... Ha... Think i have got so used to putting hands in pocket that i forgotten how to walk swaying my hands... Sigh...

So whats the conclusion?!! I hate cold becos cold give me a sense of loneliness... =p

Impressed!!

2004-07-19T02:42:00.000-07:00

Being following a blog titled "Living in Egypt". So impressed by how the writer describe Egypt. Its so alive... Think only when a person feel realli much for a place can write in this manner. =p

Maybe i gotta try describing Singapore in my future blogs. Not easy though... Not becos there is nothing nice about my dear country but its just my English Standard is too low... Hee... well, hope that writing in blogs can improve my English...

So long everyone, anyone. =p

Live Our Life to the Max!!!

2004-07-18T17:16:00.000-07:00

Just got a new pair of specs for myself... Feeling realli giddy... Maybe still not use to it... Dunno whether the optician gave me the correct lenses... =p Well, he told me that its normal to feel giddy... I hope so... But izzit normal for my eyesight to improve even after staring at my monitor for hours daily and watching tv at a distance less than 3 m? Ha... The optician told me that the degree for both my eyes drop more than 50... Suprising?

No! My case explains why many health-conscious people die earlier than those super damn heavy smokers. U might be spending all ur life trying to eat green, slimy vegetables and exercise regularly... while one day, walking down the street, u might get hit by a car... (and u realise u have missed all the delicious but so-called unhealthy food before u breath ur last grasp of air...) Oops... I am not cursing anyone... I am just stating a fact... =p

Live life to the max while u can... =)

A Night or A Sunday Morning??

2004-07-18T01:45:00.000-07:00

Hi hi... Its so late and i am still awake... thats me.... Sigh... Though i know that staying up late is realli bad for health, i just cant kick the habit... I always enjoy doing stuff at night since i can concentrate better. However, the next day, i will have to try hard to keep awake during lecture and tutorials.

The night is always so peaceful and quiet (except for the bubbling sound coming from my water pump... =p) With a table lamp as the only source of light (plus a bit of moon light =p), there is always this sense of tranquility... Somehow, I tend to be more emotional at this period of time. More emotional means less practical, i guess. It wont be appropriate for me to make any serious decision at this point of time... From my past experience, i always regretted on decision made when the sky is dark... well well... Guess i have a bit of split personality... =p...

Think i am surrounded by nocturnal friends. One particular fren is our dear Bernadette... haha... She kept mumbling that staying up late is unhealthy and bad for complexion and she is also the one waiting for the sun to rise be4 she sleep... =p (Maybe i have exaggerated... Sorry my fren...)

What is exactly the night? Anytime when the sky is dark? Or the night ends be4 12 midnight? So why do we still say "good night" when its already the day, i mean when the watch is stated xxx a.m (Past midnight)... Should we say good morning instead? Or shd we say "its veri late at night" or "its veri early in the morning"? Hmmm.... haha... I am thinking about useless stuff again... =p

Enough of crap... Wish everyone a good night/good morning... whatever...

My 1st Comment By An Unknown Friend

2004-07-16T22:15:00.000-07:00

Hmmm... Just receive a comment for my blog by Amanda... Someone whom i dunno... But by posting just 9 words under my blog really gives me a nice feeling. Does any other bloggers have such similar feeling?

At the end of the day, when u enter ur username and password to the blogger.com, would you be wondering whether anyone post a comment on ur blog? Well, i do... hope I would get a surprise with just a nice, little comment posted there. Haha... Maybe thats the joy of blogging... =p

Gonna be weekend tml... but that does not matter to me cos i am having a holiday now... However, its ending soon. Looking forward to study life again. Miss those stressful feelings. I guess when school starts, i will miss holiday instead. This is always the case for everyone... I think...

Upload Successful... =)

2004-07-16T12:32:00.000-07:00

I am just trying to upload a photo... Hee... No special meaning... except that this bear was a present for my girlfriend... Cute? =p

Understood Something...

2004-07-15T23:21:00.000-07:00

They are always things that one will wan to share with people but not with the ones they know. Thats why people write in blogs, rite? I guess so... Its about the same as teens are more willing to share their thoughts with frens rather than parents. Privacy??? Who cares!!! As long as nobody knows who u are...

Have lotsa things to think abt 2nite! Won't be sleeping early again... Problems are meant to be solved rite? So problems wont be problems for long, i guess (I hope)?!!...

Planning of Modules for Next Semester

2004-07-15T03:26:00.000-07:00

Finally, NUS has updated the modules available next semester. Just finished planning the modules to be taken and hope i can do even better in my grades. Good luck to myself... Hee... =p

MY AIM : CAP 4.0

Its real late or should I say real early in the morning...=p Time for bed...

Just a Thought

2004-07-15T03:00:00.000-07:00

I am always sorry for what I've done and what I've not done... Unfortunately, what is done cannot be undone... But luckily, what is undone can still be done... =)

Lost at words

2004-07-15T02:06:00.000-07:00

Well well... 1st time writing a blog... Got lost at words... But at least i must write something for a start... I wonder how people managed to share their private feelings thru blogs... Don't they feel insecure? Hmmmm.... Maybe if i continue the habit of writing here, i might understand why people are willing to share their feelings online...

Feel free to put comments on my msges... =)